Sometimes I find it so easy to let my “used to be” (you know, the me without God) speak to who I am now. I wallow in my shame, sadness and loss. That’s not the greif that God desires for us or that Jesus made possible for us. Again, that’s the old way and the [...]
All of us have habits, memories, thought patterns ingrained in our brains. It’s the way we were taught by the hard things in this world; how we trained ourselves to make our way through life. Some of those patterns in habit and thought are positive traits we learned from our families, peers, faith, schools that help us to live productive, happy, open & free lives. Some of these patterns are what we “learned” from interacting with those same groups – for example, I learned that if I was “vulnerable” I would be taken advantage of, used, hurt, so I taught myself ways to avoid being vulnerable with anyone while still giving the appearance of being/having close friendships that I so deeply desired.
I have all kinds of rules that I have learned and taught myself. As God has been growing me many of these “rules” have been confronted and I haven’t always liked my “rules” being messed with. I mean, these rules have good reason to be here, they protect me from a very ugly world and have kept me safe for 30+ years. True, they have kept me safe – safety by surrounding me and caging me in – keeping me from the life that I was designed for. I remained safe from the things that could hurt me, but I was also kept from all that could help me – life, love, relationship, grace, intimacy . . .
My “rules” were learned from the frame of reference that I had to make it on my own. What God was teaching me is that I can’t make it on my own . . . He is there at the worst and best to help me through; He has sent/ is sending His strength, His Spirit, His people to hold me up, walk with me, to live life to it’s fullest.
When I began to understand what God was teaching me, that the rules were what I came up with to help me survive on my own, I was able to take responsibility for how I chose to react to external stimuli. Then I was open to hear what God was saying and to walk in the direction He was pointing me.
I am speaking in the past tense. I have been through this process, but I am also going through this process each day. Sometimes it is easier to see what I have built as a jail cell and sometimes it takes much more to see the prison around me. The process is me, trusting in God to sustain & support me, stepping out of whatever “cell” I am dealing with and taking a risk. Sometimes my rules have been confirmed, I think because I am testing without using discernment and test in unsafe waters. The time for testing in unsafe waters will come, but it’s not the best place for testing in the beginning. What is the best place for testing? That will be the topic of my next post.
Tags: change, growth, struggles
